Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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