Soap is not a condiment
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
