I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
