Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
