apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize