hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize