Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
