one might say we're banned from that church
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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