Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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