Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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