Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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