In America we eat man semen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
