Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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