I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please don't give away my fajitas
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