I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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