Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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