I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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