so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
