1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
