Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
