He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
