Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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