she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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