a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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