I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
