Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
