It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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