Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
