I'm going to jail i love you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
