I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
