i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
