i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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