I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
