If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bring me that man meat
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
