Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize