Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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