Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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