I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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