yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize