I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
