I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
