i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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