I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
