Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
