why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
