He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
