i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
