You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
