I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
