yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
