how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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