i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
