im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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