Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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