I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize