Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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