I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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