you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
