he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
