Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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