no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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