i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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