You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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