Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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