I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
zippers are such a cool invention
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
