u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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