he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
