Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
