dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
