I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
