Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
