My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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