I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
