how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
