If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
