just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
