It's a beautiful day for a hangover
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
