why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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