never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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