I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
