Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
