my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
