Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
