so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize