What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
