i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
