Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
