Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
