See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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