Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
