I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
