dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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