Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
