fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize