she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize