can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
