I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm too high and old for this...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
