i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
