My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am spending my child support on dildos
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
