we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know her cup size but not her name....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
