I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
