Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
