Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
