my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
