we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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