i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
