You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
