Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
