Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
