just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
