I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
