What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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