yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
