3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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