i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
