dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
