He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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